The Next President Of The United States

My fellow Americans, I would like to take a few moments to update the press of changes to come in the first 90 days of my administration. THE DOPYERA BROTHERS MONUMENT This large granite monument will be built next to the Lincoln Memorial. It will honor the Dopyera Brothers who were the inventors of the Dobro Guitar. We are glad that the Dopyera family chose America as their home, and we wish to honor them. This radio network will be federally funded and will play American music which has been dropped from major airwaves. This music will consist of the REAL Country music such as Merle Haggard, George Jones, Lefty Frizzell, etc. Programming will also include Bluegrass and Appalachian Music. This will be on 24 hour programming. The network will feature the new “anti-crap” filter which will pull the plug on any music which is out of tune or sounds “Roy Clark-ish”.THE LESTER FLATT MEMORIAL SCHOLARSHIP This scholarship will be given to individuals who choose to pursue a career in the field of Bluegrass Music. These will be only offered for 4-year programs. These cannot be used at diesel mechanic or bartending schools. THE INTERSTATE NOISE POLLUTION ACT This law will prevent crappy music from being played at high volume through car stereo systems. If music can be heard more than 5 feet from vehicle you are in violation. There are no limits set on the volume for Bluegrass. These limits will only apply to Rap and Heavy Metal.THE PIONEER POSTAGE STAMP ACT This 5 stamp series will be as follows: Bill Monroe, The Stanley Brothers, Flatt And Scruggs, The Country Gentlemen and Reno And Smiley. ACOUSTIC SUPPLIES FREE TRADE ACT This act will once again allow the shipment of tortoise shell and Brazilian Rosewood into the U.S for use in guitar building and the making of picks.LEADBETTER PLASTIC EMBARGO This will prevent the shipment of plastic into the U.S for the use in making Ovation Guitars. This act is long overdue. Ovation will be forced to either start making the backs out of wood or go into the toy business. These are just a few of my plans. More to come later. Get out and vote…….Vote for Uncle Phil